goodnight everyone

The Winter Cabin - third entry

2011-04-02T11:39:00.006-04:00

The colour palette of the winter landscape was medicine for me.

Journal entry, January 1, 2011

The wind has picked up after two days of still. It just started a few hours ago. There is a low continual but fluctuating howl that it makes which mingles with the the sound of the tree canopies rubbing together. I admit it makes me feel uneasy. It sounds ominous. But I should be reasonable. I have had a lovely day. Tending to the cows was beautiful and methodical - I can't get over how magical these early winter mornings int he countryside are. Everything glistens with frost, including the whiskers on the noses of the cows.

* * * *

I encouraged Genie the dog to come back to the cabin with me and she watched while I hung my clothes to dry but she looked like she would have preferred that we were outdoors, so I grabbed my skates and the shovel and we walked down the trail to the lake. Genie put her nose into every second or third deer footprint that we passed (there were a lot of tracks) and when she found deer poo she rolled around in it with delight. I wondered if I would be able to smell a difference between snow and snow that a deer had stepped in. We arrived at the lake and I started to plough the snow. When it seemed like enough for a start, I put my skates on and began. It was great! I started to shovel in my skates but then I thought of trying to skate directly on the snow since it was so soft and light and not at all attached to the ice. I tried and it was MAGICAL!!!! I skated all around that end of the lake with abandon, making beautiful line patterns in the snow with each foot's glide. I skated fast and did clumsy twirls while Genie ran, full of excitement beside me. Our hearts raced and I'm quite certain that we were both filled with joy and renewal. To skate with only the shore of the lake as a border, completely alone in the silence of winter in such a beautiful place was a dream. After a half hour or so of this I dropped Genie off at her house and went back to the cabin. I read and cooked and wrote and ate and now it is bedtime.

The Winter Cabin - second entry

2011-03-18T15:26:00.006-04:00

Photos of the inside of the cabin:

I had just returned from a snowshoe walk - this is the porch.

The sunlit table with my tea and writing and crocheting.

A few drawings that I made while I was there.

The kitchen with drying dishes.

The loft where I slept and my improvised drying line.

The dear old 'Favorite Box 25'.

The propane range that made cooking much easier.

The sofa where I did most of my reading.

Here are a couple of journal excerpts starting with my second day at the cabin:

January 9, 2011

I had a nice morning: started a fire, ate breakfast, read, took a walk with my mom's snowshoes - snowshoeing was great, easier and more pleasant than I expected and the forest trails were stunningly silent and magical. The only sounds were me, the treetops rubbing and birds calling. It was a still life of white and buff and while I was stopped, surveying it, I locked eyes with a beautiful doe. We watched each other for only a few seconds until she went back to whatever she was doing. After a few minutes of watching her I decided to keep walking and my movement scared her away. When she started to prance up the hill I saw that there was another deer with her and they disappeared into the woods with much more grace than I could ever hope to have. I finished my walk with joy and returned to the cabin to prepare lunch.

* * * * * *

Sue and I discussed some details in regards to composting, firewood, chores, etcetera and then she took me to meet the cows and showed me how to take care of them. They are such lovely animals. They all approached me in turn to sniff and lick my hands. They are friends with Sue's dog Jeannie and the whole ritual seems great to me: give them hay outside in the yard and inside and two other outdoor feeding places, give them water from the well on the hill, shovel out their stalls and smash the ice on their pond's surface. I will be doing this every morning this week!

January 10, 2011

The days are passing quickly here - I didn't expect that. Today I did the cow chores, just me and the cows. It was pretty great. I spilled water down my boot which was very uncomfortable (it was -20 degrees or something) but besides that it was really good. Even smashing frozen cow poop to try to dislodge it from the stable floor was fun.

The Winter Cabin - first entry

2011-03-11T10:31:00.006-05:00

Last week I returned from seven weeks alone in a beautiful cabin in the forest in east-central Ontario. I have so many things to report and photos to show that it is very difficult to know where to begin. I suppose I will be posting in a long drawn out series. I kept a journal while I was there and I will include a selection of entries.

This started while I was away in Italy last summer. I was consumed by the idea of living a pioneer-style life in the wilderness of Canada. When I returned I began a search for a very simple place to live for a short time over the winter months in order to test out my idea for substance. Thanks to my friend Kate who found this cabin south of Bancroft last spring, I was able to see it myself on a trip that we took together for five days in October (see earlier post). Sue, the awe inspiring owner of the cabin asked if I might be interested in taking care of the place (her house, dog Genie, cat Molly, fish and 4 cows) while she went away for a week or so in the winter - of course I would! I deliberated for a month or so and then finally asked what she would think of me staying at her cabin for January and February, helping with chores, trying not to get in her way ... I imagined my time in the forest to be a test of independence, taking everything I needed with me there and relying on Sue only for drinking water and fire wood. I ended up with so much more but that comes later in the story. Anyway, Sue thought about it carefully and said yes! A price was agreed on and I began my preparations.

The cabin was built by Sue about 10 years ago I think. It is small and simple, bright and comfortable. There is no electricity or running water, but there is a propane range and a sink that drains into a bucket under the counter (one must not forget to empty it regularly). Drinking water comes from Sue's house, about a half kilometre away, and is transported on a sled in a big jug with a tap - Sue has made a perfect spot for it under the counter. The cabin is full of her inspiring solutions. The wood stove is old cast iron - really just a box with legs, a door and a stove pipe. It has scrollwork cast into its sides along with its name: Favorite Box 25. I often made the fire too hot and ended up sweating in my long underwear cursing my baking brain, opening windows to the -25 degree nights. There is a small wood pile in the front porch and a larger one out back that I kept stocked with sled loads of wood from the pile at Sue's house. I used my dad's axe to chop the odd too-large block of wood and also kindling, but I was a bit blue because I had fantasized about spending hours of every day splitting wood. I collected snow every day in basins to melt by the stove and had a pot on the stove where I heated it for washing. I always chose the cleanest looking snow for this purpose and was always surprised to find countless dark foresty particles in the melted water.

The nights were very special. It was dark early and without electricity I was left to rely on the warm glow of fire. My lantern, candles and the wood stove became very dear to me over long hours of straining to read and write with the silence outside disturbed only by the fluttering sound of the flames - except when the wind was whipping ferociously through the trees!

Here is part of my first journal entry:

January 8, 2011

I arrived at this cabin today and here I am in my long underwear and a big sweater vest and old down filled slippers from my mom, sitting in my winter hideaway with the sound of the fire and the light from the candles. It is 6:45pm and it has been dark since 5:30pm. I have a glass of wine and have just finished a beautiful beef tenderloin sandwich and read for a bit - but restlessly. I have unpacked nearly everything, the supplies meant to last me through two months of independence. My wonderful mom and I drove through a snowy wonderland to get here today on my favourite Ontario roads 512, 514, 516, and 28 plus a road we had never been on - Detlor Road. They were all so impossibly beautiful - all hills and forest, wild, basically uninhabited, some houses along the roads occasionally. There is a crust of snow/ice on every part of every tree and it makes for a magical complexity built of a myriad of greys. When we arrived, my mom and Sue and I loaded everything onto three sleds and pulled it down the path to the cabin (it took three trips) - winding around and up and down and through such peaceful white and grey forest to this lovely cabin that feels perfect for me.

At Mom's house for Christmas

2011-01-01T13:20:00.006-05:00

This is the back door of my Mom's house (it is the primary entrance).

My mom's kitchen: small and cluttered and perfect.

I was at my Mom's for Christmas. A cozy place on the edge of a small town, full of cooking and talking about what to do with life and eating and reading through cook books and listening to music and more cooking and talking and eating and trying new wines and well, celebrating I guess. My mom is passionate about food and almost every moment that we are together is spent on food: planning, preparation, cooking and eating.

The view from the house to the back yard

The view into the living room from the kitchen.

The all important bowl of clementines nearly lost in the chaos of the kitchen.

This year we found a fresh Ontario rack of lamb on our city grocery shopping trip (it is ridiculously rare to find this in the small town stores). She followed a simple recipe and it was incredible. Rub garlic on the meat, then smear amply with butter and leave garlic pieces on top and place on a rack or directly inside a shallow oven dish or pan. Cover the bone tips with foil. Let it sit like that for an hour or so, preheating the oven to 400 degrees fahrenheit. Then cook for about 25 minutes per pound or until it is cooked to your liking. We served it with mom's garlic mashed potatoes (boil garlic cloves with the potatoes, drain and mash with just milk first and then add butter, salt and pepper and mash some more) and a simple salad of baby spinach with thinly sliced red onion on top with a drizzle of mom's favourite fancy sesame oil and salt and pepper. We were not particularly hungry for this meal since we had enjoyed filet mignon with asparagus for lunch and her favourite breakfast: poached eggs with bacon. It is always a race against time ... how many of our favourite meals can we fit into a limited number of days!?!

The rack of lamb ready to go into the oven.

Mom's gloriously messy kitchen table - Hallelujah!

When I opened my suitcase upon returning to Toronto I found many treats that she had snuck in while my attention was diverted. So sneaky and so generous and good.

Grandpa's Stuff

2010-11-22T15:43:00.006-05:00

Last month I went out to Manitoba to my Grandpa's place and while I was there I took some photos of his collections of useful stuff ... I find these things intensely compelling and tenderly heartbreaking.

In Canada ... oh, the countryside ...

2010-11-22T13:35:00.009-05:00

Back in October my friend Kate and I turned our backs on Toronto for a too brief stay at a beautiful refuge in the forest in eastern Ontario. A simple cabin far from everything except endless trees and a tiny peaceful lake - it had a wood stove, no running water or electricity but a back-up propane range ... we brought food ingredients, big sweaters, knitting and books and writing/drawing/painting materials, Kate brought her ukulele and guitar and we packed some bargain scotch too and we just melted into our surroundings. I didn't want to leave. I want to live in the forest. Is that so much to ask?

As embarrassing as it is, I am including something that I wrote while I was in my melted state:

In the canoe with a glass of scotch and a low golden sun and Kate with her ukulele on this little lake that I love. So calm - the water, music and me. The cool air and sunshine, the tree reflections on the water's slightly rippling surface, it completes me for this moment ... makes me right. My hair has become metallic gold across my eyes, blowing in my face gently. Please lake, save me from the ugliness of this world. Please let me take your strength with me away from here into the human wilderness.

Back In Toronto ... eating well at home

2010-11-22T12:25:00.004-05:00

An old breakfast standard of mine on this grey, rainy Monday morning.

Simply any type of apple cut up with plain yogourt on top - I like Astro Balkan style original. I often put other stuff with the apples, like pieces of banana or dried prune or any fruit really and I like chopped raw almonds on top (or any nuts) and if you like sweet things, honey or maple syrup is good on top too.

Back In Toronto

2010-11-22T11:31:00.005-05:00

After two months of being back in Canada I am beginning to feel somewhat adjusted.

One of my favourite things about being here is having my kitchen to cook in again.

Toronto is wonderful in the autumn ... and as it becomes colder it is a pleasure to stay indoors cooking my favourite things, or trying out some of the recipes I learned in Italy ...

Some (more) beautiful things from the farm

2010-06-08T17:19:00.008-04:00

At Pasture

2010-05-04T06:16:00.014-04:00

In the morning and evening we spend hours watching the sheep and goats eat in various unfenced pastures surrounding the farm. The kids practise head butting, running and elaborate jumps - they are incredible to watch. We return to the farm when the animals have had enough to eat - they just start walking in the direction of the stable when they are finished. We watch the sun evaporate the morning mist and we watch it set behind the Alps in the evening - the pastures are silent except for the singing of birds and baaing of sheep and bleating of goats.

Some of my new friends and activities

2010-04-17T11:25:00.021-04:00

Milking. I am going to post this and head over to the stable to try to master milking - I am not a natural - but it supposedly takes a lot of practice.

Ok, can you believe that this creature exists? Lots of them in fact.

They spend most of their time practising head butting each other - head to head or head to bum or head to ribs, this while climbing anything available. It is mesmerizing to watch.

The sheep are milked in batches of 5 and moved from their main pen to a holding pen as the batches are finished and then they are all sent back - but it gets crowded in the holding pen close to the end of milking.

This is Ryan the only make goat. He is very intimidating.

The goats are very nice. We haven't taken them out to pasture yet, so I mostly see them eating like this.

There are lambs too but as incredibly cute as they are, they simply can't compete with the kids (in my opinion).

This kitten is my favourite. He/she has the sweetest trill of a meow.

The cats are always lounging around on top of one another.

They are outdoor cats and allow only a quick single-stroke pet ... nothing more.

Prince Petulio is one of the most noble characters I have ever had the pleasure to acquaint myself with. Like Dago, when he greets me he places his two front paws onto my abdomen and stands staring calmly (searchingly?) into my face with his soulful and utterly heart-breaking eyes. Petulio is old and broken-down looking and has a quiver in his jaw and a sore leg but he jumps up on a hay bale in a flash where he positions himself to reign over the stable.

Dago the dog is trained as a sheep herder and is a wonderful friend too.

The fruit trees are blooming.

2010-04-15T10:20:00.010-04:00

It has been 5 days now and I have been learning incredible things about cooking, sheep, wall building, gardening, harvesting wild vegetables, preserving food, all things related to living well off of the land - I haven't had a cheese-making lesson yet (in a few more days) but I have spent a lot of time in the stable with the sheep and goats. We feed and milk them twice a day, and although I have not at all mastered milking, I am trying and I very much enjoy all of the stable tasks. Here are some photos. I have much more to say but I have less free time than I expected.

Here at the farm

2010-04-11T12:33:00.003-04:00

Well, I am here on an impossibly beautiful farm in the foothills of the Alps.

I can't write anything about it without gushing. I am in my dream - awake.

2010-03-13T12:32:00.013-05:00

My favourite pot

I am crazy about food - especially modest cooking at home. I have been meaning to start documenting my kitchen stories and some favorite meals, but I've been unsure of how to begin.

Today, as my favourite pasta sauce was slowly cooking in the oven I realized that I could just start with that. Cooking sauces is definitely one of my favourite things to do and this sauce is so simple and so delicious that it deserves to be the beginning of something.

The ingredients are: olive oil, fresh basil, crushed garlic, bacon, chili pepper and, of course tomatoes.

There is a bit of prep work:

The basil leaves must be removed from their stems and washed carefully - about a packed cup full.
Peel 3 garlic cloves - ready for crushing (I smash my garlic with a heavy ceramic jar before I peel it - mostly because it's kind of hard core but it also bruises the garlic and makes it easier to peel).
De-seed and chop one chili pepper (I use red chilies that I have bought fresh and hung to dry).
Cut the bacon into squares - approximately 1/2 cup or so.
De-seed one can of tomatoes - I tear the tomatoes in half over a bowl and sweep the seeds out with my hands (save the collected juice - it goes in the sauce too). Then strain the seedy juice through a mesh colander into the pot. I use Aylmer brand whole canned tomatoes (very good value) but in my opinion any canned tomatoes are fine as long as they don't have spices added already - also, I de-seed mine but I've made it with the seeds in too and I'm not 100% sure that I can taste a difference.

My favourite sauce

Once that is ready I take out my favourite pot - a beautiful round Le Creuset (thanks mom) and pour a tablespoon or so of olive oil in and put it on the stove top on medium heat. Add the bacon and when it has cooked for a minute or so (it shouldn't get crispy) turn the heat to simmer, wait a minute and add the basil, chili pepper, garlic (crush it right into the pot) and more olive oil, a couple more tablespoons at least, and at least a half teaspoon of sea salt.
Set the oven to 250 degrees Fahrenheit and let the sauce simmer covered on the stove top until the oven is ready. Put the covered pot of sauce in the oven and let it cook for hours - 3 minimum but if you have more time you can turn the heat down to 200 or even 175 and let it cook all day (it smells fantastic while it cooks). Stir occasionally. I often take the lid off for the last half hour to hour to thicken it up.
This cooking slowly in the oven may seem a bit frivolous, but it makes the texture so silky and the taste so full and rich that it is worth it – but alternatively, I suppose you could transfer the sauce from the stove top pot to a slow cooker …

Of course, you should serve this sauce on your favorite pasta topped with grated Parmesan cheese.

I hope that this has made sense – it is the first time I have written a recipe down.

2010-01-22T17:02:00.002-05:00

A new line drawing.

2009-12-12T13:46:00.003-05:00

Two line drawings done with my favorite pen.

2009-12-12T13:42:00.002-05:00

This is a drawing of a face from my head - unfinished.

2009-07-15T18:08:00.003-04:00

a circle drawing

2009-07-05T23:17:00.005-04:00

Treasures from Paris and S.B.

2009-06-29T20:42:00.012-04:00

more rainy day home

2009-06-28T17:00:00.000-04:00

A quiet rainy day at home